Last night I settled down in front of the TV for another night of knitting and vicarious glamour in the shape of Dancing With The Stars.
I was sewing together one of these knit chicks. The sewing together normally takes about 20 minutes, however last night I ended up exactly where I began after an hour of work. And why? Because the TV was too distracting. Here’s the full story:
It started off quite innocently enough, recap, recap, Harris and Bergeram try to out cheese one another, then…
BAM Jamie Cullum. You see a long time ago in a lifetime far, far away I was sitting in the court of a music promoter on the roof of his Denmark Street office. “I like what you do love” he said to me “don’t get me wrong, but that Jamie Cullum, we had him here six months ago and he’s gonna be big. He does what you do, there’s no need for you”. Of course the promoter was a little wide of the mark, I mean I used to write my own songs and I didn’t play the piano, let alone stand on it. But nevertheless I’ve always been a bit jealous of Cullum. It makes no sense, but these things don’t have to.
Whilst watching Jamie Cullum I sew the beak on in the wrong place
So I take the beak off and I’m already half way through resewing it when…
BAM they’re dancing to Coldplay. I hate coldplay, I’m a member of the Facebook group “I hate coldplay so much it makes me want to cry” I could rant about them, but I’ll spare you that, I’ll just say this – dull, talentless, plagiaristic proof that people are stupid.
I turn down the sound, but still manage to sew the cast on end onto the beak
So I take off the beak again and this time manage to get it sewn on properly. Then it’s onto the eyes and I can’t get the felt cut out evenly, someone describes Gilles Marini as Sex on a Stick and then…
Awwww it’s Cody Linley . It’s like watching Bambi on the ice…awww
and I’ve cut one of the felt eyes in two
So I put the sewing away and start work on some new knitting, that american football idea I’ve mentioned before, then…
BAM Pro Dancer Bashing. Do they know they’re doing it? “You’re new partner has really brought something out in you.” But his old partner is standing Right There! ouch
I lose track of whether this is the last row of the section or there are two more to go
so I undo two rows and then…
BAM Ty vrs Lil Kim…Ty Wins! What is this, crazy town?
I drop three stitches whilst staring at the TV with my mouth open
This is not the first time that I’ve been so distracted by TV that I’ve made mistakes in my knitting. But it is the first time that I’ve made so many mistakes because of only one hour of TV. Oh BBC, you’re so good at this.